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    Are you going through a rough patch in your life, does it feel like you have been in this rough spot forever and you will stay stuck there forever? Do you feel like you are peddling away and staying in the exact same place?

   I once was at a spot in my life where I didn't think I would do any more art at all. I am an illustrator who had realized a dream when I started my own greeting card company. I was about four years into creating and manufacturing my own designs. I had sales reps and was very excited about growing my creative business into something even bigger. Then my marriage that had been rocky ended up in an ugly divorce, complete with a trial and custody battle. Through that heart ache and actual trauma, I closed my greeting card company; I went back to work as a flight attendant and was raising my small son. I was so filled with sorrow the idea of creating a joyful piece of art seemed a million miles away. With my paint brushes packed in the attic, I had a dear friend ask me to create some murals in her home that mimicked my greeting cards. We bartered for the payment, I would paint and my son and I would stay in her vacation house for a week in the summer. I looked at it as a way to go on a much needed vacation that I couldn’t afford.  I never knew if she was just being empathetic towards me and my sorry state or if she really wanted my art to her home but I unpacked the paint brushes that I had not used in two years and went to work. I wasn't used to painting with acrylics or with painting on walls! It was different and frustrating and I felt vulnerable and exposed as her very large family paraded past my works in progress. It turned out that the exposure and vulnerability was just what I needed. I sank into the work and hour of painting seemed like minutes to me. I was actually enjoying myself; the quiet that accompanies artwork didn’t sink me into a new low as I thought it might. Instead, the problem solving aspect of the art allowed me to completely concentrate on something else besides my old sorry self.  I will always love her for hiring me -it got me "unstuck" and back in the saddle.

     Are you stuck? This is what I have learned. One of the first things to do is to realize it is okay to embrace being a little lost.  Embrace the lost part -NOT THE STUCK PART. Being lost gives you permission to wander around. Being stuck means you are standing still.  I was at a complete stand still with my creativity my art supplies were packed in my attic! Wandering also means you are not in a hurry to force something, someone, or yourself in to a place that it is not ready to be in yet.

  Now wander into some place you normally wouldn’t go. Try a different hobby, a new setting, (yes, even a new job) a different medium, and maybe even a few new faces.   Are you a painter? Start to write. Write for children? Write a song. A quilter? Start to knit. Only spend time with adult colleagues? Go spend time with your nieces or nephews. Jostle yourself around a bit. Even if you deviate a little it may spark something in you that might lead you down a completely different path.  Not everyone is as lucky as the few out there that have known since birth exactly where they were headed and why.   Your life, your creativity knows only the boundaries that you impose on it. Sometimes being a little lost helps you with an entirely different view. I had been involved with the stationery industry for several years and felt I had no choice but to close my business as my personal life was in such turmoil. After the dust settled a bit, I decided to visit my best friend in California and I signed up to attend a National Children’s Writers and Illustrators convention. I literally knew nothing about the convention, to this day, I don’t even recall how I found out it was taking place. I didn’t know anything about it, it was an hour’s drive from my friend’s house but I sat in attendance for four fun filled days and made a decision to try my hand at a passion I had had since college, illustrating for children.

   If you are stuck and you are a basic overachiever, you might have to handle your dilemma a bit differently, first thing is a quit trying so hard.  You probably should schedule time in your day timer to “wander around a bit”. Deadlines, timelines, goals can get you into a cycle of being efficient but not creative. The need to make sure your day to day activities can prevent you from moving on and growing.  Believe me, I feel your pain. Remember the old adage “Run Your Own Race”? One of the hardest things to do is to quit looking over your shoulder to glimpse at who may catching up to you. The competitive attitude you may be fostering is great for some things like actually running races but you know all to well that it does not make for a good environment for your spirit. Life is not always about competition, relax. And if that doesn’t wake you up, how about this, no one is really watching! Often what we expect of ourselves and what other people expect of us are mile apart.  Stop worrying or caring about what others (including your family) are thinking, let your laundry pile grow and roots show, part of getting unstuck is to quit running so fast. I don’t know about you but my friends and family really just want me to be HAPPY. I am going to bet yours want you to be happy too. We all make mistakes along the way.  Sometimes we read judgment from people that is not really there. And so what if someone is really judging you? Like they have never made any mistakes, Geez!

  There is nothing wrong with knowing where you want to land in five or ten years but if it is stopping you from living your life in the moment then you are too caught up in your “plans”.  A lot of time excessive planning is really a mask for not wanting to, or not being able to actually move on. This doesn’t mean you need to give up planning your dreams but make sure you don’t miss turning points in your life right now. If you aren’t living in the present you may be missing opportunities for you to be blessed and to bless others.  Step back and take a look at your whole life.  During this rough period I purchased an illustration book “Perspective without Pain”.  This became a metaphor for my whole life! Every time I looked at the book on my shelf I just laughed out loud. You can tell by my art I never once opened the book and applied any the technical lessons it held. But somehow seeing it made me immensely grateful for what I had instead of what I felt had been taken from me. I had a roof over my head (and I decided to get off my butt and paint a few murals for myself to warm the place up). My son and I were healthy. I was going to be okay and I was slowly winding down a path that has lead me to a very rewarding art career. Leading a rich life doesn’t necessarily mean have a gorgeous partner or you being able to buy gorgeous shoes. Leading a rich life to about growing, stretching yourself.  Isn’t it funny how we know this deep in our spirits but sometimes we can immobilize ourselves!

   Now here’s the whopper, part of getting unstuck, slowing down and living in to now it’s letting go of the past. Ouch! Somebody always has to add this last bit at the end, don’t they? It may be letting go of negative things you have believed about yourself or forgiving someone who didn’t see you as the valuable person that you are. Let it go. A past failure? A bad review? A broken heart? Let it go. Say it out loud, “I am letting go of the past and I am excited about my future!” Say it everyday, stick on your bulletin board, design a ritual around it, but let it go once and for all. If it tries to come back, say

Definitively, “I have let that go and I am not allowing that thought, that person that unforgiveness back into my life.” I am absolutely amazed when I hear someone say “I will never forgive them.” Talk about stuck! Not only is that a stagnant state of mind but I believe it is also a dangerous one. There is no “getting unstuck” if you are nursing old wounds. This may not just apply to family members or exes who are always in the need-to-forgive category but also to teachers, colleagues and friends. I found myself retelling my heart breaking stories over and over, reliving the hurt. You may find yourself doing this about a promotion, an offensive at a family gathering. Guess what? Part of forgiving is to quit reliving it, retelling it. If you need to share it, make sure it is only in an example of how you learned to forgive and let go.

   I have learned quite a few things the last couple of years and have grown-up quite a bit. I like the new me, that one who has weathered some storms, I particularly like that I have come out the other side of them and I feel I have learned valuable lessons that will help me in the next part of my journey. I had quite a few older women reach out to me during my stormy patch, often mothers of my girlfriends. Their knowing glances and graceful advice helped me realize that I didn’t have to stay in the spot I was in, creatively or emotionally. They were examples to me that it was worth doing to work that it takes to get unstuck.  By getting unstuck in any area of your life, it enables you to bless others and offer healing to someone else. I recently went to dinner with my girlfriend (who has not painted over my murals in her house), I thanked her for her patronage and for the tears and support she lent me. She was happy for me. She wisely raised her glass to me and said “Here is to moving on.”